27 & Fearless

Five years ago, my pastor gave a sermon:

Use your voice. Proclaim what you believe. Share your story.

I desperately wanted to have the strength to stand tall and confess what the Lord did for me. But at the time, the devil had a choke-hold on me that prevented the words from coming out. So I sat in silence for years.

Fear is such a powerful emotion. The power it holds in our lives. The decisions it prevents or leads us to make.

For so long, fear crippled me. I was too afraid to follow my dream. Afraid of what they would think, what they would say. Afraid of failure. Afraid of setting boundaries. Afraid of separating myself from the world. A real case of FOMO.

My biggest fear was being seen. So I put limits on myself. Built a box of comfort and stayed inside of it.

I grew accustomed to consuming and never creating.

Liking posts but never sharing. I tried but every time it required me to step out, I retreated. I ran on autopilot.

When I was 25, I made my word for the year: FEARLESS. I wanted to break the hold fear had on me.

So I set out on my journey. I was determined to dismantle and shatter fear altogether. The battle took two and a half years…

25 was the year I learned how to live as a version of myself that no longer carried the weight of her past. The numbness had dissipated, and my capacity to learn how to be fully myself grew.

This was a strange transition for me because for so long, I was living in survival mode and didn’t even realize it. For the first time, I was truly happy — and I had no idea what to do with joy.

I remember being in a therapy session when my therapist asked:

“Do you think you’ve suffered?”

Man… that question completely transformed my view of everything I had been through. I never saw it as suffering because I had minimized it. I was conditioned to suffering. I reduced all my pain and sorrow to practically nothing.

I told myself I was lucky compared to what other people go through. But the reality is, other people’s stories never had anything to do with mine. I had to unlearn viewing my trauma as less than in the face of others. That’s when I realized… those thoughts weren’t just mine.

You know that loud inner voice that tells you you’re not good enough? The one that makes you think twice before taking a risk. The one that heightens your doubt, makes you believe your dreams will amount to nothing. The voice that makes you think you have more time than you really do… you know, YOLO.

That’s the enemy.

What you’re facing is spiritual warfare.

Spiritual warfare — a term I’ve heard thousands of times and never truly understood until last year. It's the constant battle between our spirit and our flesh. The battle between good and evil and the schemes the devil uses to attack us in the process. That is deception, distraction, temptation, doubt, and many other ways. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He will use any method to pull us away from God.

There’s a verse in Romans where Paul gets real about his internal battle with sin:

I deeply connect with this verse because I wanted to do what God put on my heart. Share the stories I spent nights writing. Post the videos I recorded daily. Show up as my full authentic self without caring about opinion of others.

But the voice of the enemy rang much louder than the voice of God — and I chose to believe it.

I spent years getting high night after night. Weekends drinking and partying with friends. Convincing myself that it made sense, even in the face of the conviction I felt. Praying that God would give me clarity on my situation and how to break free.

All the while, wasting the precious time I now know not to take for granted.

Then one day, I had enough. I was tired of going through the same cycle on repeat.

God was answering my prayers — I just had no clue how to hear Him.

I spent so much time reaching out to Him and no time learning how to listen back. His voice was on mute, while the enemy’s voice was on 100. My spirit was weak, and the desires of my flesh were strong.

Then I shifted my priorities.

I started running to God — to His Word, to His people (the body of Christ) — for direction instead of the things I had grown comfortable doing.

And God began to speak to me.

I remember the first time I heard His voice. He spoke to me while I was reading the Word, leading me to a specific scripture.

This is the shift that positioned me to win the battle I fought daily with fear.

I had to pray that God would renew my mind, transform my view of life, and most importantly, help me put on the full armor of God so I could take my stand against the devil’s schemes.

This was no luxurious, aesthetic journey.

I fought the battle day by day, choosing to grow closer to Christ. To seek Him through it all. Replacing those negative thoughts and fears with truth.

I had to take the time to get to know Him intimately through His Word — and use it as the weapon he designed it to be.

Then last year, the seeds I planted — the garden I watered — began to produce fruit.

And all my hard work was put to the test.

God called me to isolate myself — and I did.

He called me to set boundaries — and I did.

He called me to share my story —and so I did.

He called me to start a business — and I did.

Called me to quit my job (now that’s a story for another time) — and I moved with immediate action.

That’s how I became 27 & Fearless.

— Becoming Faithfully Her